We all have them, whether they’re big, small, physical or not—they’re there. I may not have the same insecurities as you, but they are insecurities all the same. The funny thing is, most of our imperfections are only noticed by us. I’m always so surprised by what other people tell me they are insecure about, and I think why? Then I wonder do they notice mine?
Chances are, they don’t. And that’s something to remind yourself when it feels like everyone is looking at you.
With the media screaming perfection every goddamn minute, it’s easy to fall into a slump. Sometimes I feel more self-conscious than other times, and I think a lot of those times are when I’m detoxing from the web.
This is kind of embarrassing, but when I was growing up, everyone used to comment on how big my bum was. But a lot of the time it was my friends telling me they wish they had a butt, and I didn’t get it. And why was everyone looking at my butt? No matter how many times I was “complimented,” it honestly never, ever made me feel good. And after a while, it turned into an insecurity I didn’t have before. That’s when I realized they became insecurities when people noticed.
So very real, and with pure honesty, I’ll talk about some of my insecurities. I feel like this is a real opportunity to do so without someone rolling their eyes or going but before I can explain why. You know what that’s like? Most of the time I end up feeling more self-conscious than I did before. Because no matter how much someone else tells you those imperfections aren’t imperfect, it only matters when you tell yourself they aren’t imperfect. And you have the power to do that!
These are some of the insecurities I’m working on.
Easily, biggest one. After I started getting interested in fashion, I became very aware of my muscular legs. For years I had been in the weight room as an athlete, and I took pride in myself for sticking almost 400 lb on the leg press. But the standard of beauty in the fashion world was not me. And as I saw girls on the runway, my confidence jumped on a train and choo chooed away. One, I have short legs for my height. And two, they are not skinny. No matter how much I exercised or cut different foods from my diet, they were never the standard. Yeah, silly? It’s still something I’m constantly aware of, but I’m attempting embracing. I’m healthy. I can walk!
I’ve always had incredibly dry skin. Growing up, I had different issues. These usually showed up as I moved around climates. It took me a while to really realize I had eczema (which I didn’t know was common). When I moved to Hawaii, I had hyperpigmentation and parts of my skin were lighter than others. And people would comment! I never knew what to say when people asked why my skin looked like that. More recently I had a massive flare up that I’m still recovering from, and there was no way of hiding it. The worst part was that I went weeks without sleep because it was so irritating. On every occasion, I would wear long-sleeved shirts or sweaters just to cover it up. Even if Hawaii was 80 F. It’s not so bad anymore, but it is really dry and requires a lot of attention.
Okay, my voice is a part of this as well. Not my actual voice, but the volume of it. I’ve been told I’m extremely quiet. Even when I think I’m shouting. As a result, I have to repeat myself until my mouth’s dry or whoever I’m talking to says never mind. Embarrassing? I’ve grown out of my painfully shy days as a kid, but I still find it difficult to “break the ice.” I admire people that are so extroverted and can feel at ease with anyone everywhere. Like how?! I think this makes me so self-conscious because I constantly feel like others are judging me because I don’t talk and what I do say hardly comes out. Ugh.
Okay, so I thought, if I’m going to degrade myself on the internet (I’m not, this actually feels quite good to open up) that I should share some qualities I like about myself. Number one, I love my eyes. I’m not sure why, but I do love the way they turn gold in the sunlight.
Number two, my hair—most of the time. I really do give my hair a beating, but it does cooperate when I want to straighten or curls it. And the sun turns it to colors I would spend hundreds on with a stylist.
Number three, my ambition and drive. Without sounding arrogant in any way, I take pride in pushing myself to do what I want and doing it fully. I think my family thinks I’m bonkers for some of the things I choose to do but I work real hard and I’m convinced that it’ll all pay off someday.
So there it is. I hope that you can look at your own imperfections with an open mind and realize that they actually aren’t “imperfect” at all! Because really, no one else gets to be you, and how cool is that?